A Thousand Words
by Relikiea
Summary: A night time visit leaves a little black bird to wonder if she made the right decision. One Shot.


Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans.

_All I have are a thousand words_

_To say what I need to say._

_I'm sorry you think I hate you,_

_But maybe it's best that way._

It's for the best, it really is. I know you may not believe this, may even think is selfish of me to say, but I know what's best for you. You couldn't possibly begin to fathom how much I hate myself for hurting you, but, again, selfish as it may sound, it's your fault.

As the saying goes, if you play with fire long enough, you're going to burned, and when you played with me, you were playing with the fires of Hell.

Maybe it's time I took responsibility for something. In fact, I know it is. While I'm at it, I'll even throw in one of those 'heart felt' apologizes I hear people going on about. I'm sorry I didn't say I wasn't interested sooner.

That sounded cruel to even me, but I mean it, maybe not in the 'heart felt' way most people apologize, but I'm sorry in my own way and it doesn't get any better than that.

I know most people out there figured someday you'd tell me what you felt and I'd fall into your arms crying about how much I cared for you and declaring my undying love in return. Well, I'd like to point out the one major problem with that scenario. The fact is this is me we're talking about.

I'm not a sappy romantic, in fact, I'd like to personally ring the neck of the guy who came up with the idea of romance, followed my chopping the person who suggested he share his ideas with the world to pieces, and finally poisoning the person who dared to think I was a sappy romantic at heart.

However, that is not to say I'm heartless. By no means. I really was doing it for your own good. I mean, we barely got through that whole 'destroy the world' thing with my dad in one piece. Let's not go in to the other things I'm well aware are coming after me. The bigger, stronger, scarier things that will destroy the planet.

But you see, the only reason they haven't already destroyed the world is that they need leverage over me to get my help. You're that kind of leverage. They wouldn't hesitate to use you against me. And once you had out lived your usefulness, they'd kill you. I won't let that happen.

Yeah, yeah, this the part where you say you don't care what happens to you so long as you can be with me. Cliché. So cliché I want to barf. Please, don't deny it, I know you, I know that's what you'd say. Or at least, 'To Hell with the consequences, I love you!' Wait, that's pretty cliché in and of itself. There's really no way you could phrase that statement so it doesn't sound like a line from a bad movie. It's like taking Romeo and Juliet and combining them with every single pathetic 'chick flick' out there. And that's one long list.

And looking at it, I'm not only selfish, but a liar as well. I said I didn't care about you. If I didn't care about you at all I wouldn't be worried about how you felt right now. Remember, I'm not evil. However, I have been told I have a very twisted sense of the morally correct. In example: It is not okay to hurt someone, unless you're hurting them to keep them from being hurt.

Yes, I know that sounds crazy.

And don't you dare tell me I'm crazy even though I am probably certifiable, because I am not insane. I'm just different. Hero's are like that. We would give our lives for another in a heartbeat even if we didn't know the person. We would give our happiness if only to see the other person safe. Twisted, I know, but it's the truth and it's how I look at things.

So when you came to my room in the middle of the night, well, early morning technically, and asked if you could come in and talk, I knew the time to break your heart had come. And you want to know something? I hated every last minute.

I've never doubted myself before until I dealt with you. You just have some inhuman way of wiggling into a place you're not wanted. I know what to do in every situation. That is, with the exception of you.

Now comes the part where people, once again, stretch the truth. They read between the lines they're reading between. They would quickly say I'm just hiding my 'true feelings' for you. Don't make me laugh. I'm not madly in love with you. You'll just have to believe me on that one.

I do care what you think of me though. I may not show it, but I do care. I don't want you to hate me, although you probably already do. But when you make a sacrifice, you always lose something important. It wouldn't be a sacrifice if you didn't.

I'm a half demon, I don't play by normal rules. I'm dark, not evil. I'm strong, not weak. I'm right, not wrong. Those are three things that have always rung true to me. But you just had to come and screw it up, didn't you? I bet you enjoyed it. Watching the cold, impenetrable little Raven fall apart. Wait, you didn't see that part. Well, let me let you in on a little secret:

I may look tough, but I just never let you see me cry.

That's right, you screwed everything up. I became some vile, evil thing who hurt you. And then I was weak, I shed a tear, a single tear, for you. Not for me and my sorrow, but for you and yours. And now, now I'm sitting here thinking about all the ways I could possibly have done the wrong thing. And it's all your fault.

I may not love you, but deep down there's still something there. Something that can never be.

_All I have to say I'm sorry. _

_All I have to explain myself. _

_All I have to say goodbye_

_Is a measly thousand words_


End file.
